The last few months have been … difficult. And that’s putting it mildly. I’m sure you have your own word to describe everything going on right now.
Everyone has been affected by this pandemic in their own way.
We’ve all felt, at times, as though the rug has been pulled from beneath us. As though each increasing bit of bad news was another Jenga block being placed on top of the stack, creating holes as plans for the foreseeable future were cancelled, rescheduled or became virtual instead.
In fact the Office of National Statistics reported that at the beginning of lockdown 49.6% of people reported higher levels of anxiety.
On the 23rd of March I woke up after spending what would be my final night in my plush double bed in my university house. I opened my phone and made a list of all the things I needed to pack before I went home. This, in itself, wasn’t unusual. Around this time I was planning on heading home for Easter, to spend time with my family, to gorge myself on chocolate and to finish my dissertation.
As the reality of the situation sunk in, the list became increasingly longer. I was now packing to go home without any idea of when I would return. Questions began to reel through my mind. Should I take the lamp from my bedside, did my room at home have one? What clothes should I pack, I certainly wouldn’t need my going out clothes, but how much stuff should I actually take?
And that’s the thing about all of this, the uncertainty.
Our brains hate uncertainty, the unknown. If you’re like me, I like to know how long things will take, my holiday flight to Zante took 3 ½ hours, it will take 3-5 business days for your order to arrive, this pandemic will be over in ….
We don’t know.
It was crazy to think that only 2 weeks prior to my fleeing from Plymouth, I had barged into my flatmate’s bedroom asking her to help me measure my height and head size to order my graduation gown. It was so exciting. The prospect of all I’d worked for the past three years finally coming to fruition.
Now my graduation has been rescheduled for February 2021, a whole 7 months after I graduate. And although I’m grateful it will be going ahead at some point, finishing my degree has become a bit anti-climactic. No more final night out, no summer ball, no big goodbye with my housemates.
And I know I’m not the only one dealing with cancelled plans. One of the things that has struck me about living through this was something I heard recently; “We’re all in the same storm, but we’re in different boats”. In other words, we are all facing our own issues, we’re all dealing with the complications this pandemic has thrown at us in our own way, and no matter how big or little your problem seems, you are entitled to your feelings. We are all entitled to mourn what we had planned for this year, to feel a bit sorry for ourselves without comparing our situation to those worse off. You are you, and your feelings matter.
Returning home and creating my quarantine crew with my parents has been a huge life adjustment for me. At times, with both my parents being key workers, I found myself experiencing day after day home alone. I think, probably like many of us, I found myself in denial back in March, telling myself that this would be over soon, we would all return to normal and laugh at those few months we spent indoors while this virus simply disappeared. Naïve I know, but in a way it’s how I coped. One day at a time.
I felt in limbo.
It was like someone had pressed pause on my life just as we were getting to the good part. But I knew I wasn’t alone, my family and friends became my support network and in our ever technological world, my phone became my lifeline, filled with Snapchat videos, Facetimes and Zoom calls that helped me feel more connected. I began to find comfort in the little things.
Through lockdown we have seen a rise in community spirit, a rise in smiles as we meet the eyes of others as we pass them on the street on our daily walks, and a significant rise in internet usage --thank you Zoom and Netflix. And as we begin to develop some sense of normality as lockdown eases, we have seen a rise in hope.
I think what this whole situation has taught me, is that perhaps I’m stronger than I think. We all are, we’ve handled this amazingly well (even if it doesn’t always feel like it). We’ve adapted to a whole new version of life we never dreamed of.
And although this isn’t over yet, we need to continue to take comfort in the little things, to take things day-by-day and to be kind to ourselves when things become too much.
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