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I’m walking along, eyes glued to my phone – I know, head up hun - when I bump into someone. ‘Oh! I’m so sorry!’ I gasp. But when I look up, I notice the “someone” I’ve bumped into is in fact a mannequin.
‘Oh, sorry I thought you were a person’, I mutter – partly to myself, but partly to the mannequin.
I do this all the time. Sorry, can I just squeeze past, so sorry I’m so clumsy, bump into me and I’ll definitely apologise before you do.
And I’m not the only one. In an Instagram poll 100% of us said we feel we apologise way too often and 75% said they’d be the first to apologise in an argument.
Perhaps it’s a self-esteem thing? Our desire to be liked, to make things okay, makes the word ‘sorry’ blurt out of us like that bit of gossip you’ve been dying to spill.
I get in your way, sorry, I look a state today, sorry, I sneeze, sorry.
Do I feel so uncomfortable about my own presence that I feel the need to apologise for simply existing?
I don’t mean these sorrys and no-one needs to hear them. So why do I continuously apologise? Is it because I’m a woman in a “man’s world”?
A YouGov poll suggests that women are more likely to apologise than men in a variety of scenarios. 76% of men said they would apologise for being in the way of a door compared to 85% of women. And similarly 79% of women would apologise for interrupting someone whereas only 67% of men say this would grant an apology. Is there something inherent in us as women that makes us more prone to apologise?
Our apologetic nature doesn’t just shine through in the word ‘sorry’ itself. Ever found yourself finishing an email with ‘no worries if not’? Or saying something like ‘if it’s not too much trouble’ when asking for a simple favour? Again me bloody too.
Our need to say sorry has caused software brand Cyrus Innovation to develop the Just not Sorry google plug-in which checks over your email to get rid of those pesky words which give us that apologetic tone. In an increasingly female workforce, why are we apologising for our communication in the working world?
Research suggests only a ¼ of our apologies are actually genuine. In fact, when asked the ‘stupidest things we’ve apologised for’ answers included -- the sound of our natural voice over the phone, someone else upsetting us and, unsurprisingly, saying sorry too much. It’s a vicious sorry cycle.
I have to stop. You have to stop.
But how?
To start with we need to remember what the word sorry actually means. Sorry is an admission of regret or an expression of sympathy. It is not a word we should be using in relation to our less than perfect appearance, for taking up space or for minor incidences.
Over-apologising creates a blame culture which lowers our self-esteem and effects our mental health. We need to replace sorry with new phrases. ‘Thanks for waiting for me’ not ‘Sorry I’m a little late’. ‘You go first’ rather than ‘Sorry I’m in your way’.
So it’s time to change – no more apologising to mannequins for me. Or for you. Let’s challenge each other to apologise less, because think how much better we’ll feel.
Content originally published on @the_ladyburd's Instagram
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