Tick…Tock…tick…tock
We’re told our 20s are a time for fun, trying things and simply living life. A time where the only countdown we’re tuned into is to the next party or maybe payday...
Yet the closer we get to the big 3 0 – women who have probably been doing just that – may be considered ‘running out of time’ when it comes to having children.
In 2013, the average age of a new mum hit a high of 30 and has remained around this point ever since.
And the Office of National Statistics recently revealed that, for the first time, 50% of women in England and Wales “remained childless” by their 30th birthday.
The same data has not been collected on men. Perhaps because a man’s biological clock seems to have gone digital – sitting quietly in the corner only requiring a quick glance before moving on.
So is it time to pull the batteries out of our biological clocks?
There are many reasons women are choosing to leave having children to later in life or perhaps choosing not to have them at all.
Childless or Childfree
“Childless” – the word itself seems to suggest women who choose not to become mothers are somehow lacking.
Despite our apparent increasing equality, society wouldn’t blink an eye at a childfree [as we should say instead] man. Yet the thought of a childfree woman seems to spark a feeling akin to sadness.
But for some, their lifestyle left little room for children. Lucinda Bridge*, 56, from Bournemouth spent much of her 20s working in London and travelling before meeting her now-husband abroad in her 30s. “I was having the time of my life – clubbing, pubbing, parties – by the time I’d married and the children conversation came up, I realised that I didn’t want to make sacrifices to a life I actually quite enjoyed.”
“Maybe that was selfish but I liked my independence.”
Is it selfish to put ourselves first? Just because a woman chooses to value her own experiences and lifestyle above the expectation to have children, this doesn’t make her life less fulfilled.
Jas Berrill, 25, a self-described environmental advocate, would argue that not having children is the polar opposite to selfish. “As an individual the single best thing we can do for the planet is not to reproduce and bring more humans into an already overpopulated world.”
The environmental impact of not having children should not be underestimated. A study by Environmental Research Letters found having one fewer child could reduce carbon emissions by 58 tonnes a year. A big number but also a big sacrifice for those who have always dreamed of the perfect 2+2 family.
Fertility Issues
According to UCLA Health, for many, becoming a mother is the hard part. Around 15% of couples face fertility problems and rely on fertility treatments.
This is exactly what Emma McGrane, 38, from Manchester, and her husband Ian turned to when Ian was diagnosed with low sperm count.
“I knew one day, I’d like to get married and have children but I didn’t want to settle for just anyone, I wanted children with this man,” says Emma - now mum to twins Teddy, 2, and Tilly who devastatingly passed-away shortly after being born.
The couple underwent IVF (In vitro fertilisation) at a private clinic due to Ian having children from a previous relationship and therefore not qualifying for the treatment on the NHS.
“IVF is a massive financial and emotional uptake, not to mention the pressure on your body physically.”
The cost of IVF, estimated by Care Fertility, ranges between £5,000-£8,000. Money is clearly key factor in why some women are having children later. And this is without considering the cost of raising a child itself.
Katherine O’Brien, associate director of the British Pregnancy Advisory Service told Refinery29 that women’s access to contraception and fertility options as well as women’s presence in the workplace means women have more opportunities to delay motherhood to their desired age. “There is no ‘right time’ to have a child, and we categorically reject the idea that older motherhood is a problem that needs to be solved.”
The Career Woman
‘I want a career first’ is often a phrase we hear when an older women is asked why she hasn’t had children yet. A question that is not only insensitive, but again assumes that all women want or need children.
Jane Johnson, 48, founded start-up Careering into Motherhood after she had her son aged 40. “Not a single recruiter wanted to talk to me when I mentioned I wanted some flexible working.”
The company aims to help women defeat the misconception that they can’t balance their career and motherhood by offering free coaching.
Daniella Hill*, 58, from London, successfully balanced her career and being a mum for over 5 years. “I reluctantly went back to work after my first, but with my second there was never a question I wouldn’t continue working. It was part of who I was.”
When on maternity leave with her third child, Daniella’s husband was transferred overseas and it made more sense to become a stay-at-home-mum to keep her family together.
Karren Brady’s Women in Business & Tech Expo research study found that 37% of women are frustrated that they sacrificed salary or career progression to balance work and family life.
But Daniella says, “I feel I made the right choice, even if I do sometimes miss the sense of purpose that came with my job.”
Clearly, women have a lot to consider when it comes to having a child. But the main consideration should always be when it’s right for them. And developments in science, alongside the fact we are living longer means women now have the opportunity to have children as late or as early as they wish.
Now where’s that screwdriver, let’s get the batteries out that clock.
Image courtesy of Unsplash