21, 22, … 26, 27 – that’s when I’ll have my shit together. Right?
Our 20s: a decade when big things happen. We’re meant to land our dream jobs, achieve our goals, meet our life partners, settle down, get a house, get married, have babies, start a pension.
Feel stressed yet?
It’s a lot. Such a huge amount of pressure is placed on our 20s that we seem to set ourselves these little goals of where we should be at each age. By 24 I’ll have moved out, by 25 I’ll be on track for a promotion in my career, by 28 I’ll be with my future husband.
And social media is filled with influencers in their 20s who seem to have it all. The house, the job, the boyfriend, the £££. And I cannot tell you how many articles I’ve seen telling me the “top 10 things to do in my 20s”.
But the truth is - this isn’t always realistic.
Life progresses, we reach those ages and we realise that we’re still in the same place we were 3 years earlier, we still prefer chicken nuggets to chicken breasts and we come to the conclusion that those who we believed were adults never really were.
As Matt Haig recently said; “no-one has ever grown up. There are no grown ups. There are people who pretend to be grown ups because everyone else is doing the same but we are still children, just children with lower back pain and fatigue who are trying desperately to pretend we aren’t children”.
So when do we think ‘adulthood’ actually begins?
Is it when you finish school? Open a bank account? Have responsibilities of your own?
In an Instagram poll, 50% of us perceive adulthood to begin in our early 20s, while 28.4% of us think adulthood starts at some point between your late 20s and early 30s. Which gives some reason as to why we place so much pressure on our 20s. We’ve built up such a picture of how our 20s will be, that perhaps they become almost anticlimactic.
I have friends moving into their own homes but I also have friends, like me, who are still living with mum and dad. I know people my age who have children and those who would prefer to be the fun aunt handing that cute little baba back at the end of the day with a full nappy and some cute photos on their phone.
And either of these options are perfectly fine for our 20s and even beyond. Life is life and if we all followed the same plan, it would be so boring.
Our 20s are the years we should grow, make mistakes, have fun. We seem to rush ourselves into adulthood because everyone else is doing the same.
But if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that there is time to pause, to slow down, and even to reassess. Our modern world seems to run at such a fast pace, that it makes us feel we have to be ready for the next move before we’ve even finished the one we’re on. We aren’t Beth playing chess in The Queen’s Gambit (if you haven’t watched it… you really should), we can afford to take our 20s one step at a time.
2020 has been a mixed bag for us all, and it’s no surprise that those of us in our 20s are feeling the pressure more than ever.
“So many people are in the same boat, feeling stuck. But there is also a new added pressure because we’re unable to move forward in our lives, both in career and personal life”, says Ellen, 22, from Banbury.
This year has created the ultimate game of Patience. For me, finishing uni this year felt like being on the starting blocks but somebody forgot to pull the trigger and start the race.
For others like Freya, also 22, from Warwickshire, this year has forced her plans forward: “I’ve had to grow up very suddenly and quickly, but I’ve made more spontaneous decisions because of it”, she says.
But I think Tyler, from Poole, sums it up best, 2020 has made her feel a “bit fucked”.
Same, hun. Same.
And our obsession with social media has only increased our headfuck.
Log-on to your favourite social media and you’ll see the smiling faces of friends and family, as well as celebrities, all showcasing their best lives. New house keys, engagement rings, degree certificates, job offers, even the selfie of the girl with the seemingly perfect skin triggers this innate response in us to compare ourselves to that person.
In fact, 5 in 7 of us claim social media sees us heading down that dark path of comparison. We worry about not keeping up with friends who reach milestones before us or something even more minuscule like someone getting more likes on their latest post.
Why do we allow our social media to distort our view of our own achievements? Or our perception of our lives in general?
Perhaps we need to use our 20s to find confidence and pride in ourselves. Surely this is as good as any other achievement that’s ‘expected’ of us.
So here’s my top things to do in your 20s…
Solidify your good friendships or make new ones
Buy a house of your own or enjoy the time living at mum and dads
Apply for that dream job or take whatever steps you’re comfortable with in your career
Get married or find a partner or live your best single life
Enjoy yourself – learn, grow, have fun
Find your own version of adulthood
Because that’s just it, isn’t it? Adulthood is a concept that we’ve created. There’s no checklist of tasks to complete to become an adult, no test we have to pass to enter the world of adulthood. It’s okay to go at your own pace, to have goals that widely differ from your friends, after all that’s what makes us all unique and interesting.
Imagery and content were originally published on Hear Her Speak (February 2021)
Comments